The importance of Consistency

Good morning, kittens. At least, I hope it is a good morning for you all.

This morning, like every morning, I somehow managed to drag myself out of bed and not only get myself dressed but also get my son dressed and ready for school, and then out the door to his bus. He catches the bus right up the alley from our place. It's fairly convenient.

Like every morning, I walked him to the bus, told him I loved him, and stood there waiting until the bus pulled away. Like every morning, I waved as the bus pulled away, and he didn't look in my direction. He pretty much never looks in my direction - he sits on the opposite side of the bus and tends to look out the window. However, I'll keep waving. Because I know the day I decide not to bother will be the day that he looks, and is crushed because Mama didn't wave.

Raising children is like that. You have to be consistent. You have to keep doing things even when you don't see the point, even if it feels like a waste of time, even if you feel horribly unappreciated. Because the moment you stop, they'll notice, and be devastated. Consistency is also good because it proves to them they can rely on you, and they can trust you. And if you ask me, there are few things that need to be guarded more carefully than a child's trust.

Location, location, location...

Good morning, kittens. It's another presumably glorious day - I say presumably because it's very early and the day hasn't actually dawned yet. Or at least not enough for me to tell whether or not the day will be glorious.

I have been back in Washington for going on three days now. It has taken me some time to adjust to being here again - my head is still very much in Colorado. It seems that two weeks simply was not a long enough trip to visit with everyone and feel like I'd had my fill. I rather eagerly look forward to going back in the summer.

It did occur to me, however, that it seems I enjoy these people more now than I did when I lived there. This is very likely due to absence making the heart grow fonder, but I don't think that's all of it. I think it's also because I'm happier. I wasn't capable of admiring these wonderful creatures in my life because I was so mired down in worry, exhaustion, and fear. I had to leave everyone I cared about behind in order to realize just how much I cared about them. That, my darlings, is what you call "ironic".

So now I sit here on the edge of the country, in the opposite corner of the map from where I spent my childhood, and I look at not only how much distance I've traveled, but reflect on how much I've changed while doing so. And also on how much I've stayed the same.

And to those who sit missing me, know that I love you. With all my heart I love you. And I will see you in the summer.

Motivate me

Happy New Year my freakish darlings.

I'm quite sorry to say that I've been most naughty when it comes to updating this blog. Shame on me. I will endeavor to do better in this shiny and untouched year that is stretching out before us. I will endeavor to do many things better. I feel tingly and full of promise. Which is interesting, because that's not a feeling I usually have at the New Year. I usually sit here going "well, here we go, second verse same as the first".

Now surely this is where you would want to ask me about my resolutions, but I do not believe in New Years resolutions. I do, however, have some goals, a couple are particularly long term, and because of my giving and generous nature I will share them with you.

My first goal, and perhaps my most long term, is 50 pounds in 5 years. By the time I am 35 I want to be in the best shape I've been in for the whole of my adult life. This includes, amongst other things, losing ten pounds a year for the next five years. Why only ten pounds you ask? Because I intend to replace a lot of my weight with muscle. I need to be stronger. If for no other reason than because I don't know how much longer Corwyn will need someone capable of physically restraining him. He's getting bigger and stronger every day, and if he really fought me I probably couldn't hold him.

My second goal is to come up with a way of bringing in extra income while still taking advantage of this time I have to help the children towards independence. I can't hold down a conventional job at this time because of the kids' conflicting school schedules, but we need more income. I have a handful of ideas. I need to begin implementing them. If I can do that, and we can stop worrying so much about income, then I can use this opportunity to restructure things at home and make the most out of this time where Corwyn is concerned.

My third goal (and it applies to the first two, so maybe I should adjust goal order) is to set myself to a schedule every day. Just a list of things to do which I can check off through the day. I accomplish more if I'm kept on task.

My final goal is to take the me that lives in the corner of my mind and shove her out into the light a little more often. You'll know her when you encounter her. She's utterly fabulous.

And that's all for now, kittens. Be good to yourselves, and to somebody else.